I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
