Cold hands, warm shart.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
