just tell him i said nine months
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
