Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
