Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
