Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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