I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
