He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
