I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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