a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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