if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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