i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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