party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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