Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
