used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
