You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
