1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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