We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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