She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
