you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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