i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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