Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
