I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
