Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
