He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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