dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
