I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
