there's paper in my vomit.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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