If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
