I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
