dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
