about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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