Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
