What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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