I bet he comes in French.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
