it hurts more in the daytime
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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