So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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