my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
