I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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