She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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