I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
