At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
