I think I am morally bankrupt
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
