OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its not stalking. its research.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize