If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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