Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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