i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
