so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
