what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
