How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
