i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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