i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
