Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
