And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
