I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When are your genitals available?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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