when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
