and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
