You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize