glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
