u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize