Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
