Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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