wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize