from now on my penis is your penis
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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