True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
