so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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