i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
