how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
