I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
