Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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