Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
