i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
