All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
