You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
