I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
