The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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