She said her name was "party"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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