yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
