Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
