Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
