I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
