Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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